Characters welcome

Feb. 2, 2010

Today was the real kickoff. I got a week off right there after the first two days! Can you believe it? Neither could I – way too good to be true, as always. Apparently those first two days last week were just introductory torture methods…to get me pumped and motivated. Obviously. I guess the term “flight risk” never occurred to anyone but me. Oh and my new diet has now begun as well. Master Laura has printed and color-coded my new schedule (meals included) for the next month! It’s Burn Month. On Friday, she has me scheduled to die. Literally. It’s right there in black Sharpie on the top of my list of things to do. (I’m also scheduled to be terminated the two Fridays following this one…exciting stuff!) So, if you’re sending flowers, I don’t care for pink, roses are overrated (though always appreciated) and my favorites are either lilies or orchids.
As for this morning, I was sweetly serenaded out of my sleep by that really awful buzzing only a cell phone provides at such ridiculous hours of the day. “WAKE UP” read the text. Followed by, “Get your ass out of bed NOW!” – to which I lazily thumbed back “yeah yeah” and rolled over. I set my own alarm, thanks, and that was 15 more minutes of bliss away!
I threw on a sports bra, some Spandex shorts and my tennis shoes. Then I reluctantly put in the DVD and pressed “Play.” Chalean is not only a sadist, it seems, but she’s a cheery one! If there’s one thing worse than dragging myself out of bed before 7 a.m., it’s to exercise. And if there’s one thing worse than that, it’s to have some perky chick telling me what to do like I should be enjoying it as much as I would a chocolate doughnut (with sprinkles, of course)…about three hours later.
I have to admit, though, this wasn’t nearly as bad as my introduction. I hadn’t just run two miles and I had had time to let my muscles grow back. I’m actually feeling sort of O.K. as I sit here and type. Tomorrow, we shall see. But Chalean says, “Hard work doesn’t just build muscle – it builds character!” I guess I’ll be welcome to star on TBS now.

But I have to tell you about last night before I sign off today. Last night, we were scheduled to eat fish. Laura has made our schedules compatible enough that we can eat meals together – although this is most likely just a ploy to get me to eat what she has prescribed. And fish is most definitely nowhere near the top of my list of favorite food items; I was not very excited. However, we did our shopping together – fish is cheap, by the way!! I had no idea. So we settled for sole. I guess this is a pretty common fish. We found tons of recipes and went with one that called for white wine and onions and stuff.
Yeah, turns out, that is not the easiest fish to cook. Before we even baked it, it looked bad. When it made it to our plates, it looked worse. (If you had seen it in the pan, you would have wondered how it was possible, but believe me, it was). The two of us managed to shovel it down, but her boyfriend couldn’t quite muster the strength. And neither could the dog. This should have tipped us off.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until a half hour later, when Laura’s eyelids were so swollen she looked like a relative of the Michelin Man, that we realized that that fish was baaaaaad. Well, bad for her anyway. I was fine. Good karma though…which is what I was thinking the entire next morning…all the way to the Urgent Care center where the drill master and diet grinch had to take it in the ass. Muahaha. (She’s fine, now. I’m not thaaat evil).